Codependency Counseling in Philadelphia and World Wide:   Codependency is a type of addiction.  Specifically, the person is always thinking in terms of the person. Codependency means: putting the other person’s needs, thoughts, opinions and desires over their own basic needs, thoughts, opinions and desires.  Frequently the codependent focuses all of their energy onto ‘fixing’ the other person.  This becomes problematic for three reasons. First, the person being ‘fixed’ may not want the help.  Second, it enables them to avoid the natural consequences of their actions. Lastly, the energy of the codependent is being directed away from themselves. Imagine how much more could be accomplished if the same energy was applied toward the self.   The concept of a relationship addiction has only become popularized in the last ten years. The term was originally coined to describe the partner of a drug or alcohol addict. 

Codependency is a disease that is thought of as a learned behavior, typically passed down from one generation to the next. People who are codependent typically engage in one-sided, unhealthy and / or abusive relationships. Codependent individuals often have low self esteem, find it hard to be themselves and believe that nothing they do lives up to their expectations and standards. Typical control patterns that a person suffering from codependency might use are: lavishing gifts on those they care about, offering advice without being asked, becoming resentful when others do not let them help, placing value in others’ opinions over their own, and using sex to gain approval. 

Common characteristics of Codependency:

•   The person has a fear of being alone or worse, being abandoned.  She or he has constant thoughts of being unwanted.  
•  During intimate relations, the person may do whatever it takes to stay in the relationship. The idea of being alone is scary.
• The need for acceptance is so powerful that a few lies or dishonesty is tolerable.
•  The person has a tendency to be indecisive and when she / he is criticized is quick to experience anger.
•  The person feels guilty when expressing their needs, opinions and wants. Ironically, this person has a tendency to control those around him or her without even realizing it, or meaning to. 
• The person doesn’t like to be the center of attention but craves recognition and approval.
• Poor interpersonal skills and trust issues.

 A few questions to ask yourself:

•  Do you think other’s needs are more important than your own?
• Do you feel worthless, like you will never be able to reach your potential?
• Do you think people will judge you when you express your true feelings?
• Do you struggle talking to an authority figure such as a boss, supervisor, lover or even a law enforcer?
• Are you constantly worried about how others perceive you?
• Do you feel like you have tons of work to do but not enough time?
• Do you have a problems saying “no” and asking for help?
• Have you live with someone with an addiction (i.e. alcohol or drug addition, gamble addiction, sex addiction, eating disorder etc)?\
• Have you been a victim of domestic abuse? Are you afraid of ending your relationship even though you are unhappy or unsatisfied?

 If you answered “yes” to most of the question, you might struggle with issues of codependency.