| by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW |
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To help you decide if this relationship is worth saving, take a few minutes and answer the following questions:
• Do you respect your partner?
• Do you find your partner funny? Do you enjoy his or her humor?
• Are you comfortable with your partner’s sense of space? Meaning do you both need a similar amount of alone versus together time? When you sleep, do you like to sleep curled up together, or by yourself? Etc.
• What is the glue that holds the two of you together? Is it the kids? Financial difficulties? Fabulous sex? A sense of belonging?
• How many years have you been unhappy together?
• How many years have you been happy together?
• What are the financial implications of staying together, or leaving?
• What are the social implications of staying together, or leaving?
• Are the kids that you have a source of strength, or a cause of the fights? What would a divorce look like? Are you ready to accept a step-mother or step-father into your child’s life?
• What made you initially marry your partner? What was the initial unspoken contract? For example, he would the gregarious one at parties and in exchange, I would help him care for his elderly parents.
• Of the issues that the two of you have, what have you done individually and / or collectively to fix the situation? Have you exhausted all of your resources? What would happen if this marriage never improved, or go worse?
• Who in your community supports this marriage and who does not, and why?
• Who were you prior to getting married? Who are you today? Do you like yourself better today?
• Even when you and your partner are angry with each other, do you treat each other with respect? If so, in what way?
• How honest are you with your partner? What would happen if you were to say everything you felt unedited?
• In what ways does your partner push you to grow as a person?
Ask your partner to answer the same questions. Then read your answers out loud to each other. What was easy and what was hard to read? What was easy and what was hard to hear? What did you learn? In what ways were your answers similar and in what ways were your answers different from your partner? Take a few moments and congratulate yourselves for taking a risk by engaging in honest communication. |
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